two years shy

bird watching

2005-07-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

I've found the rarest of all gay sub-species: the hot gay nerd. Normally one only finds them roaming the halls of academia or the Pentagon.

it has me

2005-07-22T00:24:00.000-07:00

I'm one of the lucky ones that loves what they do for a living. For the past week I've been looking at:

<data>48 65 78 20 44 75 6d 70 73 2e 2e 2e</data>

...every day. And it's frustrating as hell. And I'll sometimes go for hours scrutinizing such gibberish. And I'm starting to feel like one of those grungy sewer rat guys that can read the Matrix. It's heavenly.

God I'm a nerd.

paint

2005-07-21T00:20:00.000-07:00

I've always hated the paint allegory. But really, I suppose I'm not out to save any either. And now I find myself making my way through the world, just trying to figure out who and what I want.

Timing & circumstances are always such a bitch.

cheers to alcohol!

2005-07-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

cause of and solution to most of my problems. =)

pod people

2005-07-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

I'm one of them now. One of "those" people. With the white headphones. Soon I'll be buying things for the sake of being different and artistic. I'll pay a premium for a brilliant UI and proprietary parts that are expensive as hell to maintain and have a nominal (or perhaps illusory) amount of superiority over the competition from a technical standpoint.

I love my iPod Mini. Damn apple and their brilliant tie-in to iTunes. I'm gonna be wasting a lot more money on that store.

Damn.

"damn you..."

2005-07-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

"...you're supposed to climb the ladder slower than that."

That about sums up how the new job's been. I've little reason to complain about life in general these days. Now if I could just sate the over-active libido with a daily snogging, life would be perfect.

2005-07-06T00:07:00.000-07:00

I think I'm all fixed.

yay!

recent observations & revelations

2005-07-03T13:37:00.000-07:00

Neither I nor any of my friends will ever fit in with or be respected by the hardcore bluegrass community.
There's been an unexplained influx of attractive, intelligent, dateable men displaying signs of interest in me*.
The on-line crack known as World of Warcraft can only hold my attention for so long.
In some social circles, I'm the "rich" one with a craaaazy life that rivals a good TV storyline. In others I'm doin' okay for myself and get to lead a pretty average existence. Funny how this continuum of perception works.

* Note: This does NOT include the unbelievably HOT new engineer that I'm training at work, because I'm pretty sure it's morally objectionable to date a pseudo-subordinate. Damn!

atonement

2005-06-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

I've had several opportunities to sleep with an attractive, intelligent, successful guy. The conversation is great. No awkward silences. We're both unashamed to proclaim our mutual attraction towards each other. The problem? He's seeing someone.

I couldn't sleep with someone in a relationship. I know without any doubt that I would feel like shit as soon as it set in that I had done something completely inappropriate. Thank God I haven't met his special someone. If he turned out to be dating a really outstanding guy I'd have been torn in half from guilt.

Someone told me that my involvement is irrelevant. That I'm not the one in the relationship. That I don't know the circumstances. There's a context that I'm oblivious to. But this position just doesn't sit well with me. My involvement has repercussions. They may be pretty trivial in the scope of the relationship, but it's enough to make me uncomfortable.

Live 'n learn, I suppose...

When work quiets down a bit, I need to give more serious thought to a mini-vacation. There are a lot of people in a lot of cities that I haven't seen in a long time. I'm looking at you, Manhattan / Honolulu / San Francisco / Seattle.

but since I'm up...

2005-06-20T02:15:00.000-07:00

Here's three random photos currently on my camera's memory card. I haven't cleaned it out in quite some time.

Phoebe the pug

Taco Salad

Gratuitous photo of yours truly

baaaaa

2005-06-20T02:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a sheep. I tend to avoid this sort of thing, but someone asked nicely (twice), so here's a picture of my left foot in a flip-flop. I just know this foot's gonna wind up in some bizarro porn site for foot fetishes.

And since I have the feet of a man three times my own age, the site creator will attach my toe to a stumpy, 69 year-old Mexican gentleman named Emilio. His turn-ons are finding good parking spots, entertaining his "roommate" David, wearing flannel, and not being bound by the shackles of personal hygiene. His turn-offs are successful, attractive young men that belittle his ancestral rites with respect to good parking spots.

Okay, so I hijacked this wholesome foot fetish post into a rant about my bitch neighbor upstairs.

And without further adieu...

And one of these guys dreamed this up. Not sure who, but I've done my part. Moving on....

2005-06-15T00:45:00.000-07:00

Every so often, someone worthwhile hits on me. And then I smile.

why I love Emily

2005-06-14T00:14:00.000-07:00

Over the phone today...

Emily: oh, hold on.
[muffled dialogue in background]
Mike: are you buying food for a homeless man right now?
Emily: ...yeah.

nagdurugo ang puso

2005-06-14T00:06:00.000-07:00

Despite my best efforts, I'm still here. I moved half way across the city. I switched to a job that I love in a field with at best a marginal connection to my previous one. I had what is without any doubt the BEST (casual) sex I've ever had in my life.

But all these months later, I'm still here. I suspect I'll be here for some time. I wish I'd just move on and get there already. Or that he'd get here. For a time I thought he had. I wish I hadn't had to practice on him. That he was my first love is just dumb, stupid luck.

two friday for thursday

2005-06-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

a cowboy asked if I waltz
some freak freaked me out by offering to fuck me
an asian/white couple hit on me together

...because my buddy was thinking with his penis, and I came along for the ride. at least there was a good burrito to be had.

le sigh...

2005-05-28T01:18:00.000-07:00

Went bar hopping with buddies tonight. Everyone was with someone else except me. I was hit on and/or groped by no less than 3 "courageous, wise, experienced" men in their 60's. Someone just shoot me.

I'm not nearly drunk enough. If I were it wouldn't have been nearly so painful.

And contrary to the belligerent drunk ramblings of my ex, there's a lot more to life than one's annual income. Bah. I think money was a fair trade-off for 4 years toiling away in a dank basement computer lab.

govt. v industry

2005-05-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

An observation about the difference between working for the government and working in industry: in industry the company foots the bill for coffee & creamer, AND it tastes better.

sweatshop inventory

2005-05-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ryan, being the good friend that he is, agreed to be my eyes at IKEA for a furniture run. I like to have someone with me when buying furnishings that can see all of the visible spectrum. We got there at 7:35 and were met with a big sign: "On May 17th, IKEA will be closing at 8PM to perform inventory". So instead of having 90 minutes to scrutinize and buy furniture, we walked out with a new blue recycling bin for Ryan's office. And our usual reward of cheap IKEA hotdogs & meatballs was denied us. At 8:00 a herd of at least 50 high school kids with doo rags and IKEA nametag lanyards charged in. To help with the apparently significant inventory effort? They all seemed excited. Maybe that's where our missing hotdogs were re-routed to.

The night wasn't a complete bust. I found time to buy Paula Abdul's Greatest Hits. I love it, and I don't care who knows.

code monkey: chaaaaarge!

2005-05-16T13:30:00.000-07:00

These be stressful times. I'm scrambling to finish up one last big hurrah of coding at my job. My last day is Wednesday. And I'm moving, so that means trying to get things like power & internet squared away at my new place during that two day lull I have before my new job starts. Oh, and I'm starting a job in a field that has practically no relation to my current one.

And Emily's leaving soon. That's not really stressful so much as it is depressing. It'll be the first time in a long while that I won't have a gay-loving straight Chinese woman from San Francisco to lean on.

Note to self: limit one life-changing event at a time.

At least I'll get to unwind by geeking out at a 12:01 showing of Star Wars. I'm hoping my roommate doesn't bring his lightsaber & cape with him.

bah

2005-05-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

I wish he'd call for something other than help when his computer breaks down. I like to imagine a time when our relationship was deeper than: "try removing & re-inserting the network adaptor. good? okay. bye."

I'm in a sour mood.

oh happy day

2005-05-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Orgasm Day in Esperantina, Brazil. I celebrated the occasion in private. A belated Happy Orgasm Day to everyone out there that thinks sex is more than an abomination meant to guarantee the continued existence of humanity! To the 72% of women out there that only get to fake-celebrate the event, you have my condolences.

God bless Brazil.

I AM BATMAN!

2005-05-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

Students from my alma mater seldom get impassioned about anything. So seeing this brought a smile to my face.

Well done, Sign Guy.

wheeeeee

2005-05-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

New job, new apartment. Major life changes all around me. Maybe I'll go do something craaaazy like get a new haircut. Suffice it to say, I'm nervous and excited by everything lately.

I'm young. At 23, I'm supposed to take a few chances. Right?

knowing is better than wondering

2005-05-02T10:47:00.000-07:00

Timing is a bitch. And the phrase "I don't know how to be in a relationship" still rings hollow to me.

There is a precious friendship that I can see dwindling. I miss his company dearly. But at the moment I don't know how to be his friend. I miss the coffee. I miss the bar hopping. I miss the sitting around watching TV. I miss the dinners. Sometimes I'm tempted to put out the extra effort and ask him to lunch (it's a bit of a trip between our workplaces). But I'll have to continue missing all of this, because being near him makes me miss having someone to hold hands with when I walk. I hope to God that one day we'll be good friends again. And that he won't just be "some guy I used to know".

I'm surrounded by friends who love me, professional success, and at a superficial level I've basically gotten everything I ever asked for. Yet still I find myself too often crippled by loneliness. Sorrow.

And I still haven't called back that guy whose number somehow landed in my pocket on Friday.

because it's pretty

2005-05-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

去年今日此門中，人面桃花相映紅。
人面不知何處去，桃花依舊笑春風

How very apropos.

computers are bad

2005-05-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

...because they empower me to IM people while drunk. *ahem*

mike: what color couch goes with dark green carpet?
mike: my couch is blue
friend: oh god... I don't know. that's a question for my friend helena, who's new apartment looks amazing
mike: I'm colorblind
mike: a little
friend: matching colors is too much work for me, so I don't think i'd be much help in the new couch department
mike: my rpop,,ate ,ade me promise to never color coordinate again
friend: gotcha
mike: because when we played the superhero rpg my spandex fake costume was ugly

There are also bits of that chat log that refer to me leaving the government to join a militia, "Life Goes On", and repeatedly calling my friend cute. Oops.

back in the saddle

2005-04-30T02:25:00.000-07:00

In my pocket is the number of a cute guy I met tonight. From talking with him, I don't think we have enough in common to have a real relationship. And now I'm wondering if I should call him later.

Regardless, it was good to get out there again.

2005-04-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

I've found a 2br apartment at a great price on the western side of the gayborhood. Has everything I want and it's all mine in 2 weeks. You normally get a 1br for the amount I'm paying. Though this seriously makes me worry that there's some horrible flaw that I've yet to see. Like radioactive cochroaches. Or poltergeists. Or a morbidly obese couple having sex above me.

when nerds attack

2005-04-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

Slashdot is usually best left to nerds like myself that love the bizarre culture defined by jokes about Soviet Russia, elderly Koreans, and a hatred for all things **AA. But nerds can be incredibly articulate. So when an article on /. sparks a debate over relevant social issues, I think it's worth everyone's while to read some of it.

Microsoft Abandons Gay Rights Bill

Steve Ballmer Responds to Discrimination Issue

in the gutter

2005-04-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

Mike: noooooo! it's raining!
Bekki: awww
Mike: the rain gods don't want me drinking in an open-air bar tonight?
Bekki: apparently not
Mike: although...with enough rain you have gay men in wet t-shirts
Mike: maybe it's a sign to go out

nerd joke

2005-04-22T11:41:00.000-07:00

"XML is like violence. If it doesn't solve the problem, use more."

...well, it made *me* laugh.

bah

2005-04-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

I've been kicking ass at the gym lately. Chalk it up to sexual frustration and a generally grumpy disposition as of late.

hey leonardo!

2005-04-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

You have a pretty good idea what kind of night it is when you find yourself desperately asking the bartender "is it too late for another?! Did I miss last call?" I needed a good bit of hedonism & catharsis. I got it on Saturday night. I want to say I can remember all of that night, but I can't with 100% certainty:

I had a lot of vodka punch. Very quickly.
I made friends with everyone's favorite bartender, Leo. She invited us to her birthday on the following night. Leo's always good for making drinks with a 2:1 ratio of liquor to mixer.
I began drunkenly singing the aforementioned songs from "California Dreams".
I threw up. Sadly, most of it landed on the floor. Whoops.

crap

2005-04-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

Crappy week. And a crappy night. And for lack of anything better to do, I'm going to sit here and drink beer until I run out or pass out. I don't even like beer, but I suppose someone has to drink it.

[10:14] One down.

[10:27] I found CD-quality recordings of songs from "California Dreams". yay.

[??:??] Uhm...had two.

life's a bitch.

2005-04-14T19:20:00.000-07:00

bullshit posts are fun

2005-04-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

Through blogging, we are trying to relate the analytic thinking required in focused conference sessions, to the synthetic thinking, required for analogies generation, which calls for multi-focus domain and divergent thinking. We are trying to promote a synergic relation between analytically and synthetically oriented minds, as it is found between left and right brain hemispheres, by means of the corpus callosum. Then, blogging might be perceived as a research corpus callosum, trying to bridge analytically with synthetically oriented efforts, convergent with divergent thinkers and focused specialists with non-focused or multi-focused generalists.

If anyone can figure out what the hell that means, lemme know. I'm filing this post under "cryptic".

on love, in sadness

2005-04-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

This was one of the most precious gifts I'd ever received.

...I need to get away for a while.

I'm bored & sexually frustrated

2005-04-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

oh for f*ck's sake...

2005-04-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

Why do I keep getting solicited on-line by 48 year-old white men? Is there something about me that screams "I need a white sugar daddy twice my age"? And then there's the creepy old men that have no interest in dating anyone over 26. What the hell? Stick to someone within a generation or two of your own!

because I care about others...

2005-04-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

heartache to heartache, we stand

2005-04-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

"13 Going on 30" would be a great way to start off an 80's themed night. Since my love for 80's music knows no limit, I was shakin' to the background music the whole time. Some lesson from my night with Emily:

Rick Springfield was really torn up-looking during his heyday in '81. God knows how ugly the man must be today.
Mark Ruffalo gets more attractive the longer he's on screen. Took us by surprise since he's so average-looking at first sight.
I can never be one of Pat Benatar's dancers. I tried. And failed. Emily on the other hand could totally have been one of her flygirls.
16 years later, doing the Thriller dance is really fun & cool. By that logic, we'll all break down and do the Macarena some time in 2011 and it'll be FANTASTIC!
In Pat Benatar's universe, all fights are done in the language of dance. Your pimp's about to slap you? Get up and dance threateningly towards him!
Jennifer Garner has beefy shoulder blades.

Episode #57 - Super Karate Monkey Death Car

2005-04-01T15:19:00.000-08:00

Many days no business come to my hut...my hut...but Jimmy has fear? A thousand times no. I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey strong bowels were girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo...dung.

...Glorious sunset of my heart was fading. Soon the super karate monkey death car would park in my space. But Jimmy has fancy plans...and pants to match. The monkey clown horrible karate round and yummy like cute small baby chick would beat the donkey."

Question: "Mr. James, what did you mean when you wrote bad clown making like super American car racers, I would make them sweat, War War?"
Answer: "Well, you know...it's LIKE when a clown is making like a car...racer...it's sorta...like...the FCC. The CLOWN...the clown is like the FCC...and I was opposed to the FCC at the time, right? So it was like I was declaring War. WARRRR!"

Question: "So then did the American yum yum clown monkey also represent the FCC?"
Answer: "Yeah, it did. Thanks a LOT!"

Question: "What did you mean when you said, "Feel my skills, donkey donkey donkey, donkey donkey?"

Seasons 1 and 2 drop in May. I must own them.

screaming jocks

2005-03-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

I'm normally pretty tolerant of cashiers...

Coldstone Cashier: WHO'S NEXT?
Me: I'll have a regular sweet cream with oreo bits.
Coldstone Cashier: I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU. I PLAY BASKETBALL.
Me: ...okay.
[CLINK! Cashier makes the loudest sound possible to initialize the mix-in process.]

He spent maybe 3 seconds mixing my oreos with my ice cream, leading to a really crappily uneven combination. Factor in the assinine yelling and that leads to no tip. If I could have given a negative tip, I would have. That's okay though. HE PLAYS BASKETBALL and can make really loud CLINK noises with his basketball-playing jock arms. If he actually had any muscle on his arms, maybe he could've pulled it off. But he looked more like the whiny bitch Tom, of Blink 182.

feel pretty?

2005-03-27T21:34:00.000-08:00

If I were a woman, I'd want my lover to say that I'm "beautiful" instead of "hot". Seems classier. Not overly sexual. But as a man I don't feel very "beautiful". Is there some label for male lovers of the same quality as "beautiful"? I haven't been able to think of one...

good times

2005-03-21T09:09:00.000-08:00

I turned the big two-three over the weekend. I'm almost at my mid-twenties! As such there was much celebrating to be done. I love my friends, and they all seemed to get along really well at dinner. Everyone of course was hitting on Andy. Poor guy. Good sport. I didn't mean to solicit gifts, but I wound up getting some pretty fun swag which I will now iterate through. *ahem*

A singing build-a-bear dog. He sings the birthday bear song. The poor dear has some identity issues. He doesn't have a name yet, and he apparently thinks he's a bear. I really need to name him. Nothing's come to me yet.

A "Birthda Girl" tiara with mind-altering properties. It made random older white men come up to me and kiss me.

"Kingdom Hearts" for the PS2. I look forward to fighting the forces of evil in the Disney franchises.

Very fancy green tea. True sophisticates drink tea stored in nylon mesh tea bags imported from Japan. The rest of y'all 'r heathens! Yargh! Oh, and some chocolate-covered gummy candy and a japanese tea cup. Yeah, I'm fancy now.

Some really nice alcohol holders. Er...glasses. You can use them to drink non-alcoholic beverages too, I'd bet. But they came with a bottle of Mead and a book on bartending.

Books on: becoming a millionaire, making shots, recipes from Darth Maul, and a booklet of vouchers for when I need to promise Hot Gay Sex to someone.

A fridge magnet that called me a drama queen. Nope. Can't disagree with that one.

A baseball t-shirt. At least I think it's a baseball shirt, because I oh so love baseball. And the logo says "Catcher".

etiquette

2005-03-12T23:10:00.000-08:00

Is it tacky to take bread home with you from a restaraunt? I thought so. My buddy didn't. Out of spite I ate one of the remaining slices on the spot. One less for him to have for a crusty breakfast tomorrow morning. Mwahaha.

BAD Westerner!

2005-03-11T00:26:00.000-08:00

I saw Hotel Rwanda not long ago. One snippet of dialogue seems to have stuck with all of my friends that saw it:

[Paraphrased]
Paul: How can they see this and do nothing? Don't they care?
Reporter: When people turn on their TVs and watch this footage, they'll say "Oh my God that's horrible." Then they'll go back to eating their dinner.

I found a corollary this morning when I read this article:
People will say "Oh my God that's horrible" and go back to whatever they were doing, but if it's one of their people they'll care a little more.

How shallow is that? I don't know why, but I lingered for a little longer after reading that story. Moreso than with the non-Filipino tragedies I normally read about. I suspect I've always done this. I just didn't notice until now...

to the woman that hindered my generally trivial commute today...

2005-03-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

Yes, you CAN turn right on a red light. Especially when the street you're turning on to is completely clear, and you have a full, unobstructed view of the [non-existant] oncoming traffic. And since I have a weird tendency to memorize license plates, yours is still etched into my brain. I'm watching you, BAU-85-__ [intentionally left incomplete to protect her from vigilantes that would ~~wreck~~ wreak vengeance unto her car on my behalf].

happy american fcc chicken megazord power unicorn

2005-03-06T23:38:00.000-08:00

Via Dave...

However, I finally caught notice of a new Adult Swim show, Robot Chicken, and lemme tell you, it's freakin' hilarious. It features dozens of short, animated clips shown in like a 12 minute span. It's paced fast enough that even with my short attention span, I'm still riveted to the screen.

Those are some real geniuses over there at the Cartoon Network programming department (that or Ritalin addicts). Who doesn't love a show with a clip that melds You Got Served with Voltron? C'mon, that's just awesome.

Whatever crack the creators are smoking must be working. This show is most worthy of a season pass and a spot in my tivo's to-do list.

fun with transients

2005-02-27T23:27:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I was up at the asscrack of dawn for a baptism. Well, 7 AM might not be the asscrack, but it was early. Jason and I arrived right on schedule - a few minutes before the 8 AM ceremony began - as good ninongs should. Our goddaughter arrived right on schedule - 5 minutes or so after the 8 AM ceremony began - as traditional Filipinos should.

I kept big smirk on my face from the priest's crotchety attitude. He was glad to remind everyone how rudely group #7 (ours) was by holding everyone up. Nevermind that shameful group #8. They arrived even later.

About half way through the conveyer belt baptism, a homeless woman hobbled across the center of the cathedral and "*PPPWT!* Watch that candle!" She reprimanded one of the godmothers (I suppose she would be my...godsister-in-law?) for not watching her unlit candle. Crazy homeless black woman proceeded to walk down the center aisle blowing air into her hand while finding time to pick up another woman's purse. Baptisms are fun.

"Ninong Mike". I like the sound of that. Lately I've found myself thinking that I may want kids one day...

adventures on campus

2005-02-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

I've been having sushi cravings lately. I wound up taking the shuttle into campus during my lunch break to find some. Since the quarter is in session, one can never really be sure what they'll find on the main walkway. I was originally determined to get my raw fish, but my inner beefeater saw free bbq.

So there I was with my co-worker in the free food line. Big canopy and a sign with the words "free bbq. chips. soda." and in the bottom-right corner, "+InterVarsity". Okay, this school isn't really known for its athletics, but it looks like one of the teams is giving away free food for some reason. (I seldom question free food on a college campus.) Little did I realize that the burger being put on my plate was infused with the Power of JESUS! The next thing I knew, I had a free pass to watch The Passion. And the poor guy ahead of me in the free food line was suddenly getting asked (quite aggressively, I think) why he didn't respect The Righteous when they die for their cause. This might be okay if they had given me a slice of cheese. Cheese fixes a lot of problems. But now I have a charred dry beef patty and a guilt trip for not wanting to die in the Crusades.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the crazy, angry old man alone in the center stage was somehow connected to the fine people handing out Jesus Burgers.

2005-02-24T09:03:00.000-08:00

Damn it! My cell phone anonymity has been compromised as a result of too much family togetherness. I got suckered into playing chauffeur for a carload of extended family as we toured model homes (read: snooped around relatives' houses) in north county. One of my uncles asked for my number in case we got lost in the caravan.

Suddenly I'm getting phone calls from a different branch of extended family. 8pm, 9pm, 7am. Time or scheduling has no meaning. My phone logged a missed call this morning at 7:16 am. Are they out of their minds?! I heard the ringing and thought it was my alarm clock. I'm not about to answer my phone that early.

Now I'm burning CDs of software that they're not capable of using responsibly. Next thing you know I'll be getting service requests to drive 45 minutes out of my way to plug in a fucking ink cartridge (it's happened before). It's kinda like when that lovable, dopey tech guy on Alias gets sent out into the field. Only a lot more annoying and without the guns.

happy happy joy joy

2005-02-23T00:26:00.000-08:00

I've been smiling like a fool for days now. The events of the long weekend* left me feeling refreshed. It took about 3 months of trying far too many peoples' patience (sorry y'all...you know who you are), but I can finally say I'm excited by the prospect of living single for a while & meeting new people. Let the games begin!

And on a probably-unrelated note, I can't wait to move. The novelty of living in La Jolla has worn thin. I'm determined to relocate to the gayborhood. It's only...4 more months till my lease is up? I'm perfectly happy to piss away a little more money every month for some solace from roommates and a change of scenery.

* Lazy government employees like myself got Monday off.

run dorothy, run!

2005-02-20T12:14:00.000-08:00

Overheard in the background while the TV was tuned to CNN Headline News:
"...and a tornado touched down briefly in San Diego"

HUH?

on love

2005-02-16T17:00:00.000-08:00

It's been just 5 days since we met. He's always there for me. Always tries to figure out what pleases me. He was a little off at first but he's starting to figure me out. I've got a permanent, special place for him in my bedroom.

Oh, TiVo. How I love thee. No, I didn't really appreciate your suggestion that I watch an episode of "The Littles", but gosh darn it you're amazing. And you learn more about me every day. Life without you was sad and meaningless. I'm now one step closer to happiness. All I need now is a NetFlix account to become a truly chic geek. And a boyfriend. Because I like sex.

because I'm stupid

2005-02-14T12:37:00.000-08:00

I'm swallowing kryptonite. Or rather, the Mike version. Thats' right, I'm having a bit of corn on the side with my lunch. Because I miss corn. And cornbread isn't enough to satisfy my needs. Let's see if it still messes me up. I'll know by the end of the day....

My parents used to think I was faking post-squid headaches. Somehow, squids stewing in their own dark juices never appealed to me. "Be a good filipino and eat your darkened squid stew!" I'm pretty convinced at this point that I have some sort of intolerance for the stuff. Not long after having squid in any form, I'll have a mild headache that lasts a few hours. Fortunately, I don't really miss squid.

That's all the food allergies I've found so far. Finding unexpected reactions to food is fun! Try it!

over and over and over again forever! yay!

2005-02-10T22:42:00.000-08:00

It must be nice out in industry where they have specs. Most of the work I've done this past month implementing a new API is about to be wiped clean.

*sigh*

Our inefficiency is more amusing to me than annoying. About 18 months ago I was charged with writing two closely related applications. Then it was decided that it'd be better to combine the two apps into a single larger one. So of course I spent several months integrating them into each other. After they were combined, it was decided that they should be two separate apps instead. I spent a good couple of weeks un-doing several months of coding. And now my baby is on hold while the aforementioned API gets implemented. I'm an obedient code monkey so I'm glad to do what the higher ups say...but OMG!

Oh well. I get soft deadlines and a lax work environment. And all the free tap water I can drink.

0% interest

2005-02-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

So a while back I gave the government a loan at 0% interest, and they're finally paying me back. Hooray for tax refunds. It's going to pay for my new PVR.

I love TiVo. The interface is perfect. But as a professional nerd, I feel compelled to build a fancier one instead. It's not very sensible. It's more work. And a lot more expensive. But I wanna put this into one of these. If I don't, they may take away my membership card. I haven't had a really fun nerdy project like this in a while. And if it turns out my linux proficiency isn't up to snuff (uh...I know how to use 'ls'), there's always this.

Of course all of this would mean giving up that sexy TiVo remote control. Hmph. Not sure if I can live without the sexy remote. Can't live without the sexiness.

he speaks!

2005-02-03T01:44:00.000-08:00

I've not posted much lately. Can't say there's any special reason other than apathy. And now for a review of the last two fortnights. In bullet form.

Was sick with a sinus infection for the first half of January (and apparently the last half of December). Got magic pills from doctor to fix me. Was told that I'm old. Because old people get sinus infections. I was blessed with my aging father's sinuses.
Re-discovered how to open my throat by taking ginormous prescription sudafed pills. Hopefully this talent will come in handy...
Lost 8 lbs. while I was sick. Aaargh! Here's hoping it was mostly fat.
Began an on-going trend of man-dates with Hansen. He's like me. Only he's Chinese. And straight. I'd hit on him if he were gay.
Got off my ass and filed my taxes. My sole motivation was the desire to pay for a TiVo with my free money.
Re-validated the notion that you never know what to expect when Michelle's involved. Alcohol, pizza, a gaggle of straight folk, and a live blue grass band in her living room.
Yogurt Girl tendered her resignation. We're commemorating her departure with lunch at El Torito. Olé!
Learned to miss alcohol.
Learned I have a "muscular butt. Like Oprah." I take it as a compliment. Though I think my ass is too-often the topic of conversation.
Started reading this guy's blog. Love it.
Discovered that there actually is good porn to be found.
Finally got around to finishing Final Fantasy X. Only took me a year or so...

2005-01-07T12:56:00.000-08:00

The highlight of my day was finding extra-soft toilet paper in the restroom at work.

....lessons from the strip

2005-01-02T22:22:00.000-08:00

It's hard to get liquor in Vegas. No liquor is sold on the strip. Ever. Beer is plentiful, however. And if it didn't smell and look like piss, it'd be satisfactory.

The only form of alcohol that doesn't Fuck me Up Beyond All Repair is rum. I think the biologists said I need more cytochromes. Or that my acetaldehyde dehydrogenase genes are defective. Stupid asian mutant powers! Blast you! My Asian mutant powers grant me immunity to alcoholism and fresh corn on the cob. Immunity...gut-wrenching physical reactions...same thing.

When aliens bent on the domination of mankind arrive with tasty alcohol-laced corn on the cob to warp our minds, I'll be one of the lucky ones that wasn't fooled.

Oh, and I'm a talkative, horny drunk. But then we all knew that.

two years shy

2004-12-30T00:45:00.000-08:00

Some people have asked about the title of this blog. At least one person thought it has to do with my generally shy nature. But he was drunk at the time, so maybe he was just being silly.

It's the name of the song that Ellen Mae had me listen to when she first introduced me to San Diego's coffee house scene. A local group that went by "Jason and Jane" wrote it. They quickly became my favorite part of open mic night at my favorite coffee house. And if not for their split, I think those two were on the same track that one of their friends has ridden to relative success. I still listen to J&J's music regularly. It takes me back. Soothes me.

I think "two years shy" is also a pretty accurate description of how I often feel. I'm always a little behind the curve. I'm slow to catch on to trends: smoothies, starbucks, boba, the convenience of check cards, country music (yeah, it was cool for a while. remember? well screw you! I still like it!) I have no idea what our culture considers hip right now. But two years from now I'll be in love with it, by crackey! Probably long after the novelty has faded for you hipsters out there.

And more recently, I'm finding myself really slow on the uptake when it comes to relationships. I'm incredibly inexperienced. No one told me that there wouldn't be an instruction manual, so I've had to just wing it and do whatever feels "right."

I don't think I bear any responsibility for the failure of my last romantic relationship. Nor does he. Even if I thought the "perfect boyfriend" was more than an unattainable ideal, being "perfect" just isn't enough. Timing and circumstances are a real bitch.

I really wish I knew more than I do now. I think I've got a lot to learn. Thankfully I'm still a modest 22 years young. Here's hoping '05 treats my heart better. And let's hope I survive New Year's in Vegas.

pop culture whoredom

2004-12-28T16:59:00.000-08:00

...must resist...urge to buy...TiVo

on glowing

2004-12-25T21:03:00.000-08:00

You know it's bad when your middle-aged aunts are making fun of your absolutely abysmal tolerance for alchie. One glass of wine and I'm completely red.

because I'm ethnic

2004-12-25T01:57:00.000-08:00

*ahem*

Mula nang makilala ka, hindi ako mapalagay sa kakaisip ko sa iyo. Matagal na akong naghintay. Magmula ng tayo ay nagkalayo, ang mga mata ko ay laging may luha. Nagdurugo ang puso. Hindi kita magagawa na aking kalimutan. Ang lahat sa ating munting nagdaan, ay turing kong tanging kayamanan.

a nightmare of my future?

2004-12-20T01:02:00.000-08:00

I am a lonely Asian male who would like to have a ~~girl~~ boy friend. If you interested, here is my picture on the left. Am I not hot? When I was in my ~~Indonesia~~ Philippines, I was a gigolo!

Gigolo: A Professional Dancer or Lover who is hired as a companion by a wealthy Women.

I will not tell my age, I am very WEALTHY as you can see all the gold I am wearing. They are 100% real and not the cheap ones you see many Americans wearing. I drive a 1999 Mercedes Benz S class. If you become my woman, I will treat you like a princess! So please email me, I will be waiting. Lonely451@excite.com

If you would like to call me, my phone number is 888-888-8888. I live in New York City, Queens. Email, please satisfy a lonely man. Good Bye my Future woman. :)
---
To anyone that knows me in real life: I beg of you. Shoot me before I ever post anything that even remotely resembles this.

2004-12-18T00:43:00.000-08:00

And suddenly some weight is lifted. Then shaved off with clippers. Then thrown out with the garbage.

good thing?

2004-12-14T22:16:00.000-08:00

I finally got to see 'Reality Bites' last night. It seemed a good fit. Story of a group of angst-ridden 20-somethings fresh out of college trying to figure out their lives (sound familiar?) The token gay character echoed a sentiment that I'd almost forgotten. I need to remind myself that this is one of the things I'd always wanted: to feel the highs (...and the lows) of romance.

I remember so many times back when I was still closeted where one of my straight guy friends would pine over some girl he'd fallen for. I'd try to sympathize but all those feelings were so foreign to me. I hated being so alien.

I just hope I pull out of this low some time soon.

---

...and suddenly I feel like experimenting with my hair. My last experiment was horrible, so we needn't go into much detail. These two say I should get highlights, and he's offering to cut my hair really short. I'm open to both...

[lonely gay] man's best friend

2004-12-13T17:27:00.000-08:00

Lonely straight girls really are a lonely straight man's best friend.

Lien: You're thinking about ice cream, aren't you?
Me: How'd you know?
Lien: You were staring at that girl with the chocolate ice cream. She wasn't near any cute guys.
Me: You know me so well.

Note that the girl was on an escalator headed down, and we were headed up. My neck turned pretty far so I'm assuming she noticed me checking out her goods. Hopefully she took it as a compliment.

And no, we didn't end up getting any ice cream. Though I was tempted.

because I'm classy

2004-12-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

I had lunch today with Ellen Mae. At one point after having a sip of soda I hiccuped and burped. AT THE SAME TIME. It was scary and exhilarating.

Clearly, my life is filled with endless wonder. And silly noises.

I hate stupid people bureaucracy

2004-12-04T18:49:00.000-08:00

I'm not an artist. I admit I don't know anything about how a graphic arts firm works. But how the hell does UCLA's new logo cost $98,000?

On a side note, YouCSD.com is a wonderful site.

feeling down?

2004-12-01T22:35:00.000-08:00

Shopping is a nice temporary distraction from the blues. I finally bought the "Garden State" soundtrack, and some highlights from the Broadway cast recordings of "Les Miserables"

I love Les Mis. Loved the book, loved the two movie versions I saw, love the soundtrack from the musical. One of these days I really must see it performed live...

And to any misguided fools that didn't like Garden State, I poo poo in your general direction!

in the crapper

2004-11-30T18:44:00.000-08:00

Because it's important that we monitor this information....

Random Hall Bathroom Server

lost talent

2004-11-29T13:12:00.000-08:00

I used to have a knack for compartmentalizing my feelings. In the context of the office I became a productive little atomaton. Alone at my desk as a student I could just blaze right through most assignments without losing an instant of focus. Clearly that's not the case anymore.

It was good while it lasted. And I don't have any regrets. As he said he always would, he's shown genuine concern for my feelings. But it does hurt. And I can't help but feeling a little bit like a discarded kleenex.

black friday....

2004-11-26T15:17:00.000-08:00

...frightens the very depths of my soul. You'd have to beat me unconscious or offer sexual favors to convince me to go to a mall the day after Thanksgiving.

Pre-Thanksgiving festivities included me and a gaggle of gay boys bar-hopping in the gayberhood. My tolerance and appreciation for Malibu is growing. And despite my best efforts, I've grown to like Karaoke. I weep for anyone that gets subjected to my "music"

office inefficiency

2004-11-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

I was dicking around with the shared development server, which runs on Sun ONE...

Me: Wow, Sun ONE really blows.
Manager: Yeah, we should be running Tomcat like we do on the individual machines.
Me: That'd be nice. Why don't we?
Manager: Because Tomcat is free.

my bad obsessive habit

2004-11-15T18:26:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else guilty of constantly checking the away messages of everyone on their buddy list for lack of anything better to do? I've really gotta stop doing that. Among today's unchanging highlights were:

"Gym"
"spending quality time with the homies, call the cell"
"sekai wa kyou mo mawari tsuzukete iru"
"The Simpsons..."
"weight room"
"worky worky worky"
"I am away from my computer right now."

more yogurt girl

2004-11-12T13:18:00.000-08:00

Still haven't gotten rid of this girl. In my most recent encounter, I turned around and (as usual) she was suddenly standing in my cube "taking a break" from her usual routine of not getting any work done due to her incompetence. Sweet, innocent, annoying girl. She threw me another fascinating observation to break my silence:

Yogurt Girl: "I wonder why they call it daylight savings...we're not saving any light."
[Yogurt Girl jokingly gestures at the darkness outside and the turned-on lights inside]

Wow...

as politely and calmly as possible...

2004-11-04T15:05:00.000-08:00

If you voted for Bush, and you consider me a friend, never let me find out. I'll look at you differently. I'll think less of you. Lie to my face if you have to. We'll still hang out and talk if I find out, but despite my best efforts my opinion of you will change for the worse.

are college republicans evil, or are old people stupid?

2004-11-01T18:55:00.000-08:00

There's an article in the Seattle Times that I think is worth reading.

It's a real mystery to me. The College Republicans solicited money from senior citizens with tactics that even some of its own members found offensive. A 91 year-old man had no idea that he donated $23,000 to the College Republicans. Another equally ancient woman virtually emptied out her life savings, to the tune of $100,000 in donations.

Spending

About 90 percent of College Republicans' reported spending this year appeared to go into fund-raising expenses, according to a Times analysis of reports filed with the IRS.

Contrast with other 527 groups

Of the $20 million the anti-Bush group MoveOn.org spent, according to its filings, 93 percent went to media, advertising, marketing and polling. Of the $13.7 million spent by the anti-John Kerry group Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, 90 percent went to media, advertising and media consulting.

halloween in shorthand

2004-11-01T08:16:00.000-08:00

mike: for halloween I came back home with a Boston Celtics dress and a bottle of malibu
bernard: lol
mike: I think I need to sleep now

There's pictures out there somewhere...

my baby in detail

2004-10-28T19:08:00.000-07:00

Enough people have asked about the specs to my new baby that I feel compelled to post them, if only to keep myself from having to repeat them for the N-th time. *ahem*

Dell Dimension 8400
Chipset: Intel 925X
CPU: Pentium 4 530 w/ HT (3.0 GHz, 800 MHz FSB)
Display: Dell 1704FPT 17" LCD w/ 13 ms response time
Memory: 1 GB DDR2 @ 533 MHz
Hard Drive: Maxtor 80 GB S-ATA (7200 RPM)
Video Card: 256 MB GeForce 6800 GTO
Sound: Sound Blaster Audigy 2
Speakers: Dell A425
5.25" Bay #1: 16x DVD-ROM
5.25" Bay #2: 16x DVD+RW w/ dual-layer support

nerdy co-worker e-mail exchange

2004-10-28T01:03:00.000-07:00

From: Chris
To: Mike

I just found out that Alt-D does something useful in IE! It's so much nicer than Ctrl-L

-----

[I open up IE and try it out...]

-----

From: Mike
To: Chris

Hot damn!

-----

From: Chris
To: Mike

That's what I said!

yogurt girl

2004-10-25T01:28:00.000-07:00

For a while now there's been a girl at work that I've suspected has a crush on me. The signs have recently gotten more annoying. On Friday she visited me in my cube no less than 3 times. I'll typically be sitting there with my back turned, headphones on, trying to get some work done, and suddenly she'll be there.

Now she doesn't even bother waiting for me to acknowledge her. Last time I just turned around and suddenly there she was, holding a yogurt cup complaining that she needs to take a break, and before I could say anything she was already sitting down and eating her fucking yogurt in my cube. The whole time I'm screaming on the inside for her to GET THE HELL OUT! I've got work to do. On the outside I'll show a forced smile and try my best to look un-interested.

If she had some redeeming qualities, then maybe it'd be okay. This girl got hired at the same time as me while we were both students, about 1 1/2 years ago. Since then I've graduated and moved to a full-time position, and she's learned nothing almost nothing. The other student interns we hired over the summer have already learned and accomplished more than she EVER will.

She's dead weight. She has nothing interesting to say about her life. Oh, and she has horrifyingly bad acne.

my inner geek

2004-10-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

I broke down and ordered a new toy. A Dimension 8400 from Dell. I saw a 30% coupon about to expire, and I'd been seriously considering moving away from my laptop for quite some time. I will of course have to make a few hardware additions to it, and may end up cutting the case up a bit. Why am I so anal about little computer details?

I've named it Prescott. The UPS man tried to deliver it today. Poor Prescott is sitting in some cold dank UPS depot waiting for me to rescue it.

God, I'm a nerd.

white fingers

2004-10-14T23:29:00.000-07:00

I've spent all week helping this guy paint his room. After 3 days and 4 coats, we've finally eliminated the gross mint green paint that used to cover the walls. Before mint green the room was a lovely shade of smurf blue. White is a big improvement.

I don't think I was a very good painter. Horrible in fact. But it was volutary indentured servitude, so he doesn't get to complain.

book learnin'

2004-10-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

I was getting lunch at the cafe upstairs and I started flipping through a copy of this book that someone accidentally left behind. I've decided that I too must own a copy. Today. I think I'll go to a bookstore.

save me jeebus!

2004-10-07T23:52:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Saved! with my roommate tonight. I'm about 12 minutes in. It's a little extreme, but I'm amused so far. I've already learned that Jesus can restore my virginity.

[1:13 AM] that was 90 minutes well spent. my other roommate is on campus doing physics. pat's an odd guy.

YMCA...

2004-10-05T01:25:00.000-07:00

It was Troy's birthday on Friday. Much fun was had. I finally got to meet the illustrious Brett. What a great guy. Very chill. Just plain likeable.

Over coffee & scrabble at the Urban Grind, the three of us were discussing halloween costumes. I've agreed to dress as this guy. God help me if they actually hold me to it, but at least I don't have to wear a sarong.

abomination in germany

2004-09-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

German bathrooms horrify me. Toilets in this backwards nation are constructed such that men are discouraged from taking a pee while standing up. The general design of German toilets just seems ungainly.

Then there's Japan, where people are forced to use these things. I wonder if they have freakishly strong quadraceps from all the squatting... On the bright side, it's probably a lot more sanitary since there's no direct skin contact, and you don't have to fuss with those thin paper toilet liners found in western bathrooms.

too lazy to write...

2004-09-30T02:01:00.000-07:00

...so I'll just link to posts by Troy about what I've been doing for the past week.

Last Wednesday

Last weekend

Oh, and I finally found time to come out to my poor unsuspecting parents. See below for a bit of the aftermath.

I refuse to put my penis in a vagina

2004-09-30T01:42:00.000-07:00

Here's a little something I wrote in response to my mother's suggestion that I get some therapy to go fix me up and get me to start fucking girls. It amazes me that even with a master's degree in psychology, she's still suggesting things that the APA deemed idiotic over 30 years ago. My parents have been taking it better than most would expect, but therapy? I don't think I've ever been so offended by them before.

I don't need or want therapy. It took me a VERY long time to accept who I am (over 8 years), so I'm trying to be understanding and patient with you two. It will be much easier for everyone when you accept that I'm gay and that it's not going to change. No one chooses to be gay. That would be insane. People have treated me like shit in the past for being gay. Do you think I'd ever choose to subject myself to that?

If you ever want to have a meaningful relationship with me in your lives, you're going to have to get over it and stop being ashamed of me.

http://www.pflag.org/education/reparative.html
http://www.apa.org/pubinfo/answers.html#conversiontherapies

-Mike

I'm just like Bekki

2004-09-20T14:26:00.000-07:00

Both our cars were vandalized on the same street. To quote Bekki: "A big fuck you to the asshole that jacked my car stereo...I hope your testicles rot and fall off. That is all."

I'm out $160 in window repairs, plus the cost of a new stereo if and when I ever decide to replace it. And now I'm feeling a little anti-social. I think I'll watch TV on the couch tonight under my big soft blanket.

are you in it?

2004-09-16T23:43:00.000-07:00

I was "in it" not too long ago. (If this phrase means nothing to you, go see Garden State.) After lots of introspection, I'm filled with an unfamiliar sense of contentment. There are parts of my life that don't belong on a blog, but if you know me in real life you've probably noticed an ear-to-ear smile that won't die down.

Go do yourself a favor. Sit down, figure out what you want in life, then go get it.

for shame!

2004-09-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

I watched "The Apprentice" tonight. And I liked it. I need to go hide now.

labor day in mira mesa

2004-09-07T00:45:00.000-07:00

I got a last-minute invite to a Labor Day family bbq in mira mesa. My date had just gotten delayed, so whatever. I hardly ever get to see my family. Family gatherings are always educational. And now for a review:

Despite the insistence of my Uncle Andy, the Tennessee Titans have never won the superbowl. His belief in the titans' ability, however, is rooted in the fact that he recently learned his friend's son is now the Titans' center.
There's disagreement over which member of the Bee Gees is cuter. Andy or Danny. It's also funny that they're losing their hair. Ha ha ha....yeah.
I haven't outgrown the stage where your parents and aunts/uncles piss on each other by comparing kids.
"Where's Jason? You should've told him there's free food." The lucky bastard got to miss this party. Maybe I should start missing them more often.

Most annoying conversation at the party:
Aunt: [in tagalog] you got fat
Mike: [in english] fat?
[Did I mis-translate? Don't think so.]
Aunt: [in english] husky.
Mom: [in tagalog] those are muscles. he's been working out.
[Mom proceeds to repeatedly squeeze on my arm]
Aunt: [in tagalog] Kevin's shoulders have gotten huge. He's been swimming.
[Aunt makes what on some planet must be a swimming motion]

what now?

2004-09-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

A few days ago a friend asked me a very simple question, and I couldn't provide a suitable answer. He wanted to know what I want. In life. In romance. In everything. I didn't know what to say, and looking back that makes me feel a little sad.

I'm at a strange point in my life. I recently accomplished all the goals that've driven me for the past few years. There's a diploma with my name hanging on the wall. I've got a job that affords me a pretty comfortable life. I'm free to do whatever I please, yet I don't know what I want to do now. Maybe I should volunteer my time somewhere. Maybe I'm just lonely. I think that's it. It's a little depressing to see so many of my friends already paired up - a few are even in relationships that have been going on longer than I've been out of the closet. I need to care about something...or someone.

I'm meeting a guy for lunch tomorrow. Here's hoping something positive comes out of it.

consequences, schmonsequences

2004-09-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

I've recently, against the judgement of a friend whose counsel I've always relied on, become friends with someone that I met in the strangest of situations. She may be right. I may be doing something stupid and wrong and irresponsible...but screw it. I'm sick of always taking the "safe" choices in life, and I really value this new friendship. I think things'll be just fine. I'm probably just over-analyzing things. Like usual.

q & a in photos

2004-09-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

one. who am i?

two. who knows me best?

three. how old am i?

four. the most important thing in my life is...

...my crazy, humongous family.

five. I always carry...

six. something I always do

seven. I'm at my happiest when...

...at a dinner table with people I care about.

eight. on a monday morning you can find me...

...hiding under my blanket.

nine. my favorite mode of transport

ten. my eyes are...

...myopic.

eleven. my favorite material posession

twelve. to relax, I like to...

...get in a good workout

thirteen. the town I live in is...

...expensive.

fourteen. my worst habit....

...leaving the lights on.

fifteen. my guilty pleasure...

...smores.

sixteen. when I look at someone, the first thing I see is...

...their face.

seventeen. I think...

...is beautiful.

eighteen. one thing I can live without.

nineteen. one thing people don't know about me...

...is that I waste far too much money on hair products.

twenty. my life is....

...mostly good stuff, with a little bit of bad.

shortbread

2004-09-02T00:26:00.000-07:00

I've agreed to try a pop tart with butter spread on top of it.

[9:22 AM] ....and it was good.